COMPERSION
Alternative Lifestyle Coach & Guide /
Sex & Couples Mastery

Hey, new friends! In case you're curious who might be guiding you, here's a mini-book detailing where I come from and what got me here...

 

I'm originally from Buffalo, NY (go Sabres / go Bills) and was raised on classic-rock of the 1970s and traditional American values. Pretty standard issue to start. My dad passed away from cancer when I was 16 and I learned to appreciate the surrounding of strong women like my mother and little sister. That alone has shaped a lot of where I come from. Not having someone to guide me in certain aspects of life left me to fend for myself and explore more. The upside I think to that was that it helped me develop a pretty open mind.

 

I attended Ringling College of Art and Design for Illustration in Sarasota, FL, and found my way into the rave scene of the 1990s / early 2000s. Around that time, I was engaged to my high school sweetheart and ultimately separated after many amazing years, beginning a grand series of learning experiences (the story was even published nationally in 2 issues of Glamour magazine. (Hey, that was a big deal before everything was online! Wow, I'm that old.) After working through the hurt and humiliation of that, I came to realize that healthy love and true connection are worth the pain they can cause, and that duration of a relationship had very little to do with its value or success. Turned out I was a hopeless romantic. But hopeless in the best possible way. I eventually learned to find solace in the memories we made throughout those great years and found happiness for each other's separate lives. We kept in touch for years after and she went on to raise a family back in our hometown. Pretty cool I got to see that all unfold for her. 

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She remained monogamous and I did too for a few more invigorating relationships over the years.

 

After leaving art school to pursue filmmaking, I found myself at a crossroads and returned to NY where I worked on my first movie for Troma Entertainment. It was a wild trial-by-fire experience creating the over-the-top raunchy musical comedy, Poultrygeist: Attack of the Chicken Zombies. (Look, you're either gonna love it or hate it. It's certainly not for everyone) B-movie fanatics rejoice and plenty of people get offended. Art and culture can be funny like that.

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As I transitioned from New York to California I saw an opportunity to visit friends, road trip style, and be a free-spirit before my career really got going. I spent a year and a half in a minivan traveling the country with the best companion I could have asked for, my dog, Belle. She was a boxer-mix. A rescue. So you know she was awesome and packed full of love. 

 

The highlights to that  voyage worth mentioning were the inspiring events following Hurricane Catrina and the relief in New Orleans. I joined their efforts and witnessed first-hand true devastation of a community but also a beautiful glimpse of humanity's resiliency and neighborly perseverance. Even Mardi Gras stood back up strong that year. It was beyond inspiring... and also a blast.

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Eventually, I arrived in Los Angeles, where I got back into the film industry and sparked a curiosity to seek out an Eyes Wide Shut-type event. You know, to really embrace big city culture. I was in L.A. and wanted to experience every aspect of culture it had and a secret sex party was on my checklist. That, among some other unique L.A. adventures, culture-shocked me. That began my exploration into various forms of non-monogamy. Unfortunately it took a little time to fully understand all of the ethical parts and I found that I'd hurt someone wonderful's heart in ways that could have and should have been avoided. Eventually I found my footing in ENM and vowed to never loose sight of what ENM is really about. I was overcome with what I call, "kid in a candy store syndrome." Something I notice many men suffer from when they first step into the world of ethical non-monogamy. If only I had a guide to teach me things like this from the get-go.... (Eh, hem) of the. 

 

The very-Hollywood adventures I've had have instilled me with years of concise knowledge surrounding alternative lifestyles and most of those experiences have been quite positive. I've worked and/or partied with some of the greats and some of the not-so-greats. From Robin Williams to Tom Cruise, from George Carlin to Bryan Singer (guess which one isn't like the others), from pornstars to reality-stars. I've seen so many outside-of-the-box ways of life. So much of which was incredible proof in the wonderment of living but also the depths of some monstrous humans I'd wish no one to ever fall prey to. Hollywood is a place that can push people to extremes and test what they're made of. It's made me a better coach and better at calling bullshit on people. 

 

As a producer and department-head I spent years learning a diverse range of personality types and how to massage them all into place for peak team performances. Much of the job was managing egos and I've always been good at that. I even developed a shorthand for working with celebrity narcissists. Though one did end up biting me hard when I wasn't looking. A story for another time, perhaps.

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Wait, you're still reading?!?! Okay, wow, I hope I can stay interesting until the end. We're almost there. I think you may already deserve some sort of prize for getting this far. Tell ya what, you send me your bio and I'll happily read it. Everybody's got a story, and I'm sure yours is interesting and rad too. So thanks for reading mine!

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Anyway, after years of film freelancing, I came to work hands-on with the ambitious producing students earning their masters degrees at the prestigious world-renowned American Film Institute (AFI). There I honed my team efficiency skills by aiding in the production of more films there each year than any major studio in town. Roughly 30 a year. I loved the creative work and thrived in the hustled workload. This while writing and producing my own film projects on the side still. One of which was a highly sensitive documentary taking part in the #MeToo movement. But then...

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COVID hit, and so did a traumatic personal event that threw me down a hole of struggle and discovery. I decided to expand professions into the world of relationship counseling and go back to school to earn an honors degree in psychology. It began as a coping mechanism to better understand what had happened in my personal life and turned into the realization of my deepest passion... showing people connection. This had been in the back of my mind since my first heartbreak (looking back, I even mentioned it in that Glamour magazine article). But this time I felt a deeper calling and had to act on it. My new passion project was born.

 

Compersion. The word has held so much meaning for me after experiencing the power of its embrace. Its very essence transcends the container of self. To find joy purely from another's happiness. I had reached a level of compersion with a partner that it dumbfounded me at times. The way it overrode jealousy and I couldn't help but just be happy for her and in-turn be flooded with my own feel-good chemicals. It was completely self-less and a freeing sensation that I hope more people get to experience with their partners, no matter the relationship dynamic.

 

The word is thought mostly to be a sexually oriented feeling, but it doesn't have to be limited to that at all. It can reach into all forms of love. Monogamous or non-monogamous, partner or friend. I like to use the example of a child or a pet because those are places it's much easier to let go of ones self for. When you watch a child or pet play with a toy, completely enjoying themselves and you are just observing, the smile that grows on your face along with that warm feeling inside you, just for their happiness... compersion. Their joy providing your joy. And that to me, is what life is about. More of that can make the world a better place. As long as things are done in intentionally healthy ways, just be happy for people! It's basically an instant karma situation. John Lennon may have been on to something more than we knew.

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Okay this is actually the wrap up. The part where I need to really boast about why I can coach the hell outta you. Please pardon me while I do so...

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Throughout my life, I've spent many incredible years partnered in loving monogamous relationships that I wouldn't trade for anything. And over the last 20 years, I've also mixed in a variety of alternative relationship styles; swinging, open relationships, polyamory (not polygamy), and happily solo in-between (the best time for reflection and leveling up). I pride myself in maintaining a plethora of amazing friendships from all periods of life and have worked through a number of successful transitions from romantic dynamics into lifelong friendships.

 

I can also attest to the selfish desires and impulses that can cloud people's judgment sometimes when first experimenting with new dynamics. Remember kid-in-a-candy-store syndrome? In my early days of alternative dynamics, I found myself at fault sometimes in unfamiliar scenarios and had to learn and grow with no real guidance, but I seized the opportunity to understand future partners' perspectives better. As part of my repertoire, I use those early experiences to help guide others through new landscapes and focus on their flourishing connections. I have seen healthy love thrive within many containers over the years and I have also unfortunately witnessed some terrible and even predatory treatment of people claiming to be in healthy relationships. I not only want to show the light-side of relationships to people but also expose the dark so that they can see it coming and know how to avoid its path. That skill alone can level-up a person's love life tenfold.

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I've dedicated much of my life to solitary self-reflection and learning ways to improve communication and connection to the world and the people in it. At times those journeys were extremely difficult when looking within from a different lens, but the results left me feeling like a new person for years to follow. It paved the way for my own self-destruction. And I mean that in a good way. I was able to tear down walls built on the concepts of self and what I thought I was or was supposed to be. Attacking ones ego and self-image is hard work, but the rewards are indescribable. There just are no words. I urge people to consider some form of this self-evaluation at some point in their lives, even every decade or so. Meditation or other mindful activities help maintain those changes on the daily basis in between the big awakening events.

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I've trained in active listening skills and have a deep understanding of empathy and compassion. My neurodivergencies give me an edge by quickly seeing people clearly and in turn helping them to fully present themselves. Drawing from my past successes and traumas, I'm able to better relate to a wide variety of scenarios to help guide people through difficulties and into cleaner living. My life experiences, both good and bad, allow me to show up authentically for people and hold space for them in whatever way they need. Our first session provides that comfortable space so a person can explore themselves and discover what they truly want. Gone are the days of feeling jaded over dating or forced into expected arrangements that don't suit us.

 

As an adult, I learned that I have well-masked autism spectrum disorder mixed with ADHD and that being on the spectrum apparently gives me a set of superpowers when it comes to cutting through bullshit and having what many would find to be a hard conversation. But rest assured, my friends, partners, and clients leave those conversations feeling a sense of accomplishment and happier than they thought they would at the start.

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Additionally, I utilize skills from my art and entertainment background, along with many years of competitive athletics. These areas taught me about teamwork and the ability to self-critique and take criticism constructively from others. I find these things vital when molding ourselves into what we envision ourselves to be. Remember once you've deconstructed your self image, you get to rebuild it how you want! Custom design your life! And doing the work becomes easier when you have the right guidance.

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I've done ample studying on sexuality, the human body, relationship styles, and effective coaching strategies, as well as having the extensive experience dealing with conscious uncoupling and transitioning ex-partners into healthy friendships much like family.

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And for added flair, I've begun studies to better understand the potential future breakthroughs in therapy with psychedelics. Once, legalized, Compersion will be among the first wave to incorporate its therapeutic abilities (when applicable and ideal for the client). Check out the results the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) are getting. Super exciting and incredible stuff!

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So there you go. If you made it through this whole thing, I also owe you a Blow-Pop or something else fun. I've got a sweet tooth so I go right to Blow-Pop.

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I wanted anyone considering working with me to have the opportunity to get to know me a bit, so ramble on I did. I can't wait to hear your story now!

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Thanks for the interest and also congrats to you for the steps you've already taken. Just being here reading this means you strive for more. And that's a beautiful journey. Much love.